Its okay to be jiwang sometimes ;"p

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum






The most upsetting part about not living together after marriage
is that no matter how hard and tight I hold my husband close to me
I still miss him so badly
and doesnt it break your heart to look at me
as much as it breaks my heart when I have to let him go?

Missing You~

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum

I. DON'T. THINK. SO.


and no thank yous to any clichés. If I need em, I'll let you know.

What Teachers Make

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum





I just HAD to post this, its too inspirational overload!!!


and I needed this!!!


and the video sends shivers down my spine and make me go all I CAN DO IT!!! OH YEAH!!!


but I haven't woke up for tomorrow's school yet ;p

Breakable and Unbearable

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum

So how do people do it?


Since its so common for husband and wife nowadays to be living apart or become weekend husband and weekend wife, how on earth do they do it?


Its only been 2 weeks and I am NOT surviving! I don't understand why I'm so weak, vulnerable and fragile yet this is how I have become. You may say this is because I'm a newlywed, well, that's true, so? You may say, tsk tsk, young people these days overreact too much, well, so what can be done about this? You may say, this is only the beginning, so what is the ending? You may say, hold on, never give up and so I say, how do I hold on when my heart hurts? when my whole body and soul hurts? when I got him and then I had to lose him? when before this, it didn't even matter but now it matters so much and too much, when I can't stop thinking about him, when I'm fast losing the battle and nothing else matters? Tell me please...


I have heard every single cliche available and I need something stronger, a heavier dose, something else please. I know its too much to ask but are there any chance that I might get it?


I know other people have it so much harder, some spouse are even overseas! Some are not even in this world anymore. But that still does not explain the pain I feel. I know I'm supposed to put things into perspective and everyone knows I am a positive person but how am I supposed to do that when I'm almost always feeling distressed and depressed!



All I know is the word


PRAY


and that's what I'm doing even though tears are always there when I'm praying :'(


What if I can't handle it? Is it possible that if I sacrifice something more, I might get better?


Heart, don't fail me now!
Courage, don't desert me!
Don't turn back
Now that we're here
People always say
Life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear!
Or how a road can seem so long
How the world can seem so vast
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
On this journey...


On no soul doth Allah place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns and it suffers every ill that it earns. (pray): "Our Lord! condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; help us against those who stand against faith."
Al-Baqara [2:286]


Ya Allah, the tears sting and its irritating :'(

21.01.2011

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum

I never got round to telling my blog that I am married, well, I am. So there.


I still am ambivalent about being a wife, its all so overwhelming and daunting. I remembered that when it was just around the corner, I was very much flustered that I wasnt prepared physically, emotionally, spiritually and intelectually :-s


and not to say that I am now.


You know, Time stopped on the morning of the 21st January 2011. I remembered people kept telling me that I had to rest because tonight was an important night and that I was treated like a princess! But I couldnt relax, not when I was about to hold a worthy and glorious yet intimidating position that night!


Alhamdulillah everything went well from the solemnization to the reception on my family side and it was at that moment that Time was evil, it went fast forward and I was on autopilot and I could feel my feet above the ground.


I felt like I was flying and that I had someone by my side who would always make sure that I was never going to fall yet at the same time, I'm so terribly scared that I might fall because of my own carelessness. I'm so afraid that if my fingers slipped through his, I might plunge so all I want to do is hold his hand ever so tightly and never letting go. I felt like I was looking down and I saw my family and they were waving at me beaming and cheering me on, wanting me to fly but at the same time, wishing in their hearts that they never had to let me go. and then I was flying faster and faster and I had loved the clouds and fresh air on my face and body and I splayed-out my arms and let loose not wanting to ever come down. and then, he had to fly somewhere else, somewhere far and he let go of my hand and flew in another direction and I didn't want to fly anymore. I wanted to land. So I landed and started walking. and I wanted to run but I couldn't because my heart was heavy and then it hurt and my eyes become blurry with tears. and I couldn't sprint because I couldn't see.




not until he takes my hand again.

From Beloved Mai Sis

Thursday, January 27, 2011

the wanderful reunion

Here i am wide awake at 4am, losing the battle to mr. jetlag. i need to recover quick, i cant afford to be like this with exams approaching in 3 weeks time!

Alhamdulillah, no words could express how grateful i am to be given the chance to return home, and for all 7 of us to be reunited once again after 4 years of being separated. Even if it was just for 10 days, but it was one of the best 10 days of my life! It's amazing how much agendas you can squeeze into such a tight schedule. I'm going to miss each and every second of the quality time we spent together - the day trip to Tganu, the last minute shopping for the bride, the surprise present for daddy, the malam berinai and above all, the solemnization and the walimah ceremony of my beloved sister.

I've always imagined that all of us would be shredding tears on the night of the solemnization, but surprisingly, no one did; not even dear mummy. It was such a joyful ambience that all of us couldn't stop smiling and be happy for the bride.

My conclusion = family weddings are so memorable and preparing for it is fun (yet so tiring!)

Thank You Allah, all of this would not have happened without Your will.

No one knows when all 7 (oops, now we're 8 already!) of us will be reunited again, but I pray that Allah will reunite us soon, if not in this dunya, then insyaAllah in Jannah.

"And those who believed and whose descendants followed them in faith - We will join with them their descendants, and We will not deprive them of anything of their deeds." (52:21)

O Allah, help me to remember You, to be grateful to You, and to worship You in an excellent manner....

i need a breather~

But she didnt!!! she didnt!!! she didnt!!!

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum

So much for optimism. I feel pessimistic and the bitterness is starting to taste in my mouth and even though I'm trying to swallow all the sweetness there is but so far, none could get rid of the resentment and harsh realities that I have to face.


and that's what sucks! I know that when you have tried and then you pray for the outcome, its so easy to simply say, oh Tawakkal but the practicality of Tawakkal is so much harder to adopt and adapt and then to practise!


Its also so easy to say to people oh Sabar but when it comes back to me, I freeze because I expected something else since at the back of my mind I'm already holding on. Surely there must be some other words out there that could comfort me when I'm losing a battle :'(

December Spring Cleaning

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum

The reasons why I don't like cleaning up and turning my room upside down are:

1. My house is hot and I really want all round air-conditioning!
2. I get sweaty hence I get severe rashes on my body therefore my skin itches and burn!
3. I tend to want everything too much organized that it hurts my head to think on HOW best to organize all those stuffs!
4. I am allergic to heat and dirt, yes, it is true!
5. Most of the time, I just don't know where to start!

It's really frustrating that I am a sucker for clutter, sigh~

Salam Maal Hijrah 1432