to be the best

Assalamualaikum :[

currently feeling: frustrated
listening to: life is beautiful - vega 4

yeah, i should do that more often esp when i do a new skin because i know my current skin now is not suitable. n3mah and kak aalaa use to do that...hmm...have they forgotten now...

nway, i read somewhere that to be a really good-everybody-will-sure-read-your-blog blogger, then you have to dish out some dirt somewhere! the example given is that this girl wrote about her experiences of being heartbroken and how she got over the guy and basically it was because of a third party and blablabla, and so she said that many people read her blog and commented and after that, people kept coming back for more and she said that her ratings went up and she became a famous blogger! and i was like, so that's it??!!
another example is about this girl who would dish out about her surroundings and she would be giving brickbats everywhere and to everyone and she said that people like it so she would continue doing so. hmm...now it made me think...

of course i would like people to read my blog and i'm already grateful for having avid readers but to dish out dirt??!! that just ain't me, reallyyy because first of all, i don't like to expose myself and hence make myself vulnerable to the whole world. besides, if i do, then i'm giving opportunities for people to judge me and though i know that people always tend to do that but i wouldn't want to be freely judged. secondly, who doesn't have dirt??!! i do and i have many!! sometimes i do feel like dishing and i know girls have a tendency to be bitchy but i won't do that on the internet. it's just not nice and besides, i have a reputation to uphold and to tell the world that my parents raised me better than that. next, i wouldn't like to stoop too low so no-no to dishing and lastly, it's aib to dish people's dirt so when you take care of other people's aib then Allah will take care of your aib. ain't that right people?!

recently, an anonymous person said to me that my blog just doesn't have enough input. that person suggested that because s/he like my writings then maybe i should write about some important issues rather than focusing on my experiences. well, i know that sometimes i don't write about war or rape or whatever current issues there is and it's not because i don't want to but i prefer to ponder on what i have experienced and i always have this hope to inspire people and i want to do so in my writings and the best way i can channel that is through what i have went through. eventhough there's no dirt but there's still some pixie dust...

besides, i treat my blog like a jurnal so that means i can write about anything right? and i would like to say, you can't judge me and if you don't like my blog then there are thousands more blog out there BUT...what that person said disturbs me, it's like as if i'm not enough...and it hurts...

should i take offence? maybe that person like to see me developed...maybe that person had no intention to miffed me and maybe i'm just being emotional, oh sob! so here's dirt, pls comment before it gets muddy :(