I Hate This Part...

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum :D

I'm at home for the long hols just like the school kids for the last time of my undergraduate life.

I am currently listening to PCD's I Hate This Part and the lyric has inspired me to write my own I Hate This Part :D

I hate this part that I have 5 more months to go because I can't hardly wait for it to end, but then again, I know that when I start working, I'll miss my student life, it's always like that, human nature...

I hate this part that the media ONLY interviews the urban kids on their UPSR achievement. what about the rural kids? and what about their opinions on English for science and mathematics?! I have my own personal dilemma about the issue because I can see the many benefits of using English but since I have taught a rural school before therefore I have seen these kids struggle in understanding English and what's more English in science and mathematics! YES, there is still the gap between the urban and rural schools and it exists for some people to take action but before action is to be taken hence there should be enlightenment and exposure but where is it? where is the faces of kids who went through hardships and succeed? and where is the faces of those who did not and why aren't we addressing the reason of why they didn't succeed? there are kids who are downright lazy but there are also kids who are slow and need just that little bit of scaffolding and would prove us wrong if we prove them right!

which reminds me of a movie I watched earlier on entitled FREEDOM WRITERS starring Hilary Swank. I totally recommend this movie to everyone out there because it's inspiring and moving plus based on a true story so I felt driven more to be a teacher after watching that movie. It's about a teacher who had to go against so many people including her own loving husband to prove that the class she was teaching was 'teachable' and can succeed in their own right. The technique was she made her students write jurnals and as a result, she was able to see what her students saw and the movie points out that the pen is mightier than the sword.

the movie strongly reminds me of Big Pumpkin but somehow I know that jurnal writing in English will be difficult for my students unless they really wanna do it in the second language. But when I become a teacher later on, I would definitely make my students write jurnals and they can even do so in Bahasa because I just want them to write and through writing, maybe I get to do so much more than just teaching [BIG ALTRUISTIC DREAMS, yeah I know]

I hate this part that I always feel that urban kids or if not urban, the advanced students would be so much easier to teach and they would definitely do the jurnal writing, sigh~
Though I know that it's better to reach out to the below average kids...

I hate this part that when my students sms me, I can't seem to reply their messages because sometimes I am busy, sometimes all they ask is 'Teacher buat ape?' or sometimes, hmm...takpela tak balas pun, tsk tsk...coming from me who has big altruistic dreams, huhu

I hate this part that I have project paper to finish to wrap up my degree.

I hate this part that there's nothing good on telly.

I hate this part that I'm actually telling people to tag me, haha coz I'm bored and besides, I like tags now, hehe :p

The world slows down but my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part where the end starts...

I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here

i miss SMKLB :(

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum ^_^

Please bring my heart back from SEKOLAH MENENGAH KEBANGSAAN LABU BESAR~

Because…

Although the boys like to ring the bell too many times,

If not the bell, then it would be the gong,

Although the boys and girls like to make too much noise,

Although the girls like to shout and scream,

Although some kids are immature,

Although some kids are lazy when it comes to studying,

Although the boys have sulked at us, and they think we can’t sulk back,

Although I have been bitten by a leech and I got so traumatic,

Although the hostel always blackout,

Sometimes the water would be rusty,

And then it would turn white,

But I guess it was better than not having any water at all,

And there would be cows, goats, potholes and cracks on the road to go to school,

And I lost a quarter of the car’s rear bumper (say what?!) because I didn’t see when driving after the heavy rain and through the deep waters that didn’t look so deep,

I felt inadequate having had so much in my life before but I learn to live and smile more and receive so much more. I felt blessed every day coming to the school but it wasn’t all rosy posey,

There were nights when I cried so much,

There were days when I had enough,

There were times when my heart breaks,

There were moments when I feel like giving up,

There were the storms,

But the rainbow is always there and so colourful that made my life so much complete so I count my blessings and THANK YOU ALLAH :)

And THANK YOU to the students and teachers of SMKLB…

For teaching me how to talk in the Kedah slang,

For introducing me to eat petai, yummy!

For smiling at us,

For always making us happy,

For being good students,

For being great teachers,

For all the foods here that prevented me from dieting,

For taking care of our welfare,

For striking conversation with us,

For always helping us out,

For every time the boys peered out at us when the car starts,

For cheering us up,

For giving us the best times of our life…

If I could give my heart away, the pieces of it would be everywhere, to so many of the students there and the teachers…

So please bring my heart back <3

Happy Eid Mubarak =)

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum :)

I am not depressed, not anymore, I just can't change the punkymood and that’s depressing, sigh~

Besides, I found out that people with depression have it really bad that they need to pop pills and if they don’t eat one pill a day, they would get really really depressed which is a depressing fact, hehe

I also know that teachers get depressed easily and I find myself questioning, hey, I’m not like that, the fire in me don’t die that easily and I’m much more stronger because I have the kids putting me up in a pedestal, urm, but that could depressing to be held up so high, huhu

Oh, whatever, it’s not about me and it’s not about depression, its RAYA!

This eid, my students said;

Please coming to my home!

How many raya kurungs do you have?

How many kuih tunjuk or you buy?

It’s rain here, how to raya?

When teacher nak mai balik ke sini?

hehe

So, forgive me for not uploading the pictures yet,

Forgive me for being a bad teacher,

Forgive me for blabbering about school stuffs,

Forgive me for talking so enthusiastically about my students,

Forgive me that my students made hand made raya cards to me,

Forgive me for getting more raya cards than you,

Forgive me for receiving more raya sms than you,

Forgive me because I’m called a teacher now,

Forgive me because many people think I’m working whereas I have one semester to go,

Forgive me because my students all invite me to their homes this raya,

Forgive me because I’ll be spending this raya far from home but it’ll be such an adventure!

Forgive and Forget my wrongdoings, please

and have a HAPPY MOST MERRY EID MUBARAK!

How Low should i Go?!

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum :'(

It’s been 10 weeks that I’m still here teaching Big Pumpkin High School for my practicum and I feel like a failure in terms of my teaching.

and that’s what’s depressing me most of all, that everything is my fault when it comes to teaching…

My practicum partner and I are blessed! We have everything anyone could ask for and we feel really contented about everything that we have.

In the hostel;

We live in the school’s hostel for free including the water and electricity.

We only have to pay such a small amount, RM7 a day for eating the school hostel’s 6 times meal.

We have television as a sort of entertainment.

We don’t mind taking care of the hostel kids because the boys and girls are so superbly nice and hospitable.

We don’t go out in the weekdays and only after school on Thursday do we start our expedition around Kedah.

Every weekend, when the hostel kids have to return to their homes, Nani and I have our own little destination budget and we get to crash other people’s house for the weekend. So far, we have been to all our course mates’ house (girls of course) except for one.

Most of my money goes to the car, the maintenance, oil and the snow wash.

At school;

EVERYONE is so nice to us! The principal, the vice principal, all the other teachers, the staff and especially the students in all the forms are always so kind.

We have not been bullied like the school giving us extra works or other teachers taking advantage of us just because we have less work compared to them.

We only get 1 relief a day or none at all and we could refuse if we really have to, there’s no pressure in relief and usually when I’m free, I don’t mind taking 2 classes for relief.

We have a super duper nice and supportive teacher supervisor who is always there for us to help us and she can totally relate to our problems because she understands the kids.

We have an experienced lecturer supervisor who always wants us to find ways to get the students to understand and for us to teach according to the students’ level.

And speaking of which, that’s my major problem!

I HAVE PROBLEM GOING TO THE STUDENTS’ LEVEL!!!

A Class of 48...

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum :s

If I could, I take all the students that I could
and teach them myself
everyone of them
bit by bit
one on one
or better yet
I’d hire a personal tutor and get them to do private lessons
for these students
because a class of a maximum of 48 students
just won’t work out
it doesn’t work out at all

so I geddit
its not that they don’t understand
but they are not able to comprehend
because they don’t have the confidence
and they are demotivated
and they need that attention
but a class of 48 students is almost impossible
to get them to use the language
so how do I handle that

a class of 48
I cannot cater
to everyone
because at the end of the day
the exam – oriented system wins
so how could I beat that

somehow I know I could
but I don’t know how
it always feels like I’m getting somewhere
but I end up nowhere
and the students are lost
and I wanna wrap them in my arms
all 48 of them
and shower them with all that I have
nothing material
everything in my heart and my soul
mostly knowledge
and LOVE for knowledge

nothing beats a class of 48
but perhaps I could…

This Ramadhan 1429H

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum :)

HAPPY CELEBRATING THE HOLY MONTH OF RAMADAN 1429H ^_^

This Ramadan;

I will be celebrating this holy month with my students at the school and I AM EXCITED! At the same time, I know I will feel more tired, hopefully not more hungry than I always feel and God Forbid me to lose patience with the students, huhu..

My only younger brother, Hilmi is going away to a place where he always wanted to go, to the Middle East to further his studies and I will miss his presence because blood is always so thick.

Mai Sis will be going back to England this end of September but this time around, I can actually send her off at the airport, yey!

I resolve every year to be so much better, to always escalate my ibadah and to find the night of Lailatul Qadr.

I want to keep on praying for enlightenment not just for me but also for my students.


Ramadan is the (month) in which was sent down the Qur'an as a guide to mankind also clear (Signs) for guidance and judgment (between right and wrong). So everyone of you who is present (at his home) during that month should spent it in fasting, but if anyone is ill, or on a journey, the prescribed period (should be made up) by days later. Allah intends every facility for you He does not want to put you to difficulties. (He wants you) to complete the prescribed period, and to glorify Him in that He has guided you; and perchance ye shall be grateful.
Al-Baqara [2:185]

the meeting with my idol :D

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum ^_^

It all started with a dorky tag and the question of 5 people I wish to meet. Of course, having not ever meeting with my future husband therefore he tops the list (because I am at that age where people expect me to get marry quick and since all my friends are either getting engaged or getting marry these days prodded me to just write future husband regardless).

The second person I most wanted to meet was MERCY Malaysia’s President, Datuk Dr. Jemilah Mahmood since I have long admired her and apart from my parents, she was the best role model, someone I look up to in inspiration. In 2003, when I was interviewed by UiTM on the best public figure, I instantly said Datuk Dr. Jemilah Mahmood especially since it was the year where MERCY Malaysia helped out Iraq or Afghanistan, I forgot (sorry if MERCY Malaysia is reading this). How could I not admired her after all that she’s done plus the fact that she produces great pieces of writings which moved me to tears every time I read of what she has gone through.

Dorky or not dorky tag, it attracted her, the second person I most wanted to meet and through the MOST super duper nicest person, Shamini Darshni who is the Head of Communications and Fundraising of MERCY Malaysia, I finally got to meet my idol on 21st August 2008 in MERCY Malaysia’s office at 4pm. And now I have so many GREAT GIFTS for my birthday, the trip to Redang Island and the meeting with a greatly admired prominent most important person!

Datuk Dr. Jemilah Mahmood will always be my favourite celebrity more so especially after the meeting because she took some of her precious time to talk to me and mai sis and took us on a tour of the MERCY Malaysia office and introduces us to everyone working their socks off there and gave us a book and MOST OF ALL, just talking to us. I went back home star struck!

She said when she first came across my blog which said that I wanted to meet her she said, let’s make it real because I’m real!

And meeting her is as real as ever! So THANK YOU to Shamini Darshni whom I also met and she’s like this great person making me overwhelmed at all the nicest people surrounding Datuk Dr. Jemilah Mahmood. It’s like as if Datuk Dr. Jemilah Mahmood is a fairy godmother sprinkling goodness everywhere she goes and to everyone. I actually think I could be Cinderella eventually ending up working there but we’ll see as I have this practical to finish and one more semester to go!

You would have thought a kid would be excited meeting up with a star but here I am with all praises for the one I inspire…
THANK YOU again to Shamini Darshni and especially to Datuk Dr. Jemilah Mahmood :)

Happy Birthday and the age is SECRET :p

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum ^_^

THANK YOU to all those who wished me all those lovely heartwarming BIRTHDAY wishes because I truly madly deeply appreciate all of it! =D =D =D

This year's birthday :

1. I really liked the date 08082008 and not because of the Beijing Olympics.
2. I had a blast in Redang Island!
3. I'm getting darker :(
4. I'm also getting fatter because as hard as I try to abstain from eating, the food always turn out delicious! :'(
5. I went snorkelling from 10am until 7pm for 2 days!
6. I have 5 deep cuts at my right foot because I didn't realize the coral reefs were behind me!
7. I find myself still swaying even though I am on land, wuu~
   
8. I find myself missing my students <3
9. I REALLY have to LOSE WEIGHT!
   
10. I find myself wanting to buy more baju kurung which is not necessary! for teaching that is :p

MOST OF ALL, this year's birthday prayers are not for me, there are for my students back in Big Pumpkin :

For my students to love knowledge and for them to realize that learning is a life long process and that learning is imperative and that they have to learn no matter what.

For my students to WANT to learn.

For my students not only respect me but also other teachers' and their peers.

For my students to stay away from social ills.

For my students to be somebody one day~

Do my students realize that I love them and that they are cute and that I always pray for them, my heart is always with them <3

I always worry about them, don't they worry about me?
I worry about myself when I feel my heart is not pure and I cry for all the sins I have done, seriously, because I KNOW that only when my heart is pure and when I'm sincere then the knowledge from me will finally reach my students.

So, this year, 19th August 2008, I fear for my heart and I pray for my students~

Fitri would not copy from now on

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum :D

Here’s a reallyyy CUTE story:

One of my favourite pupil, Fitri from the second class, 2T1 did not understand how to construct sentences using has and have so I called him aside and taught him slowly whereas other students have already finished writing and starting to make noises. After explaining everything and seeing him writing half of the exercise, I decided to let him finish it all off.

Then, I saw him copying one of his friend’s work and I said;

Fitri tiru ke tu?

And he sheepishly tried to hide the paper.

So I said; takpe, tiru la, teacher penat ngajaq, kamu nak p tiru pulak padahal kamu bole wat sendiri. Taknak cuba takpela.

And then he tried to pass the paper up and I said, teacher tau ni kamu tiru kan.

And then he got really guilty and he said;

Ok, ok, nak buat balik la teacher bole tak? Biarla kertas ni dah jadi rojak pun.

And I said, takpela, teacher nak amik dah ni.

I went to help other people and he thought I wasn’t looking and tried to retrieve back the paper, searching it within all the piles of the other students’ work.

I caught him red – handed and said;

Fitri! Buat ape tu!

And when I went up to him and took the paper, he actually tried to snatched it back from me until the end of the paper got ripped!

I wat tatau je, and he said, teacher, sorry teacher tapi tolongla, nak buat balik…

And I said, did u learn your lesson?

And he said; yes, saya takkan meniru lagi.

And he even went to the staff room after that to apologize profusely.

He’s so cute isn’t he?

But sometimes I scold him because he can be hingaq in the class too, hehe :p

Sometimes I Get Depressed :(

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum :s

There’s a Secret Recipe Café on the way to the Kulim town after the place where I’m teaching, Big Pumpkin and since I’m saving a lot of money eating hostel’s food, sometimes, on the free Friday’s that I get, Nani and I would hang out at Secret Recipe and enjoy having our tea while surfing the internet. I only buy a cheese cake or the pastry and not the too expensive meals because most of my money goes to my car.

And I do need the internet because I CAN’T DRAW! Yes, and it’s such a handicap not being able to draw for my below average students who loves pictures that could assist them in understanding the language better. So I would take lots and lots of pictures either to print or when using the PowerPoint to show them.

And it’s still so frustrating when they are not able to understand BUT at the same time, I don’t blame them at all. This is because of the atmosphere and how they are born and bred don’t allow them to use and practise the language much. Plus, they have such limited exposure to the language and this not only hinders them in learning the language that I’m teaching them but also science and maths in which what they can understand in Malay, when its in English makes it too difficult for them. Besides, they also have this mindset that I can actually help them with science and maths but I have long forgotten many terms and the how – to’s of the 2 subjects.

I looked at them and my heart goes out to them and I really want to change that BUT I can do so little and it makes me DEPRESSED! Yes, it does, you have no idea…

These kids are already in their form 2 and some of their English is fossilized resulting in them making the same mistakes and also not being able to grasp some English grammar rules, some English words, some English forms and functions, etc.

Every weekend, I cracked my head figuring out what kind of activities and games that would make these students of mine have fun and at the same time, comprehend what is it that I want to get across to them.

This is the EVERYDAY DILEMMA:

IF IT’S TOO MUCH FUN, THEY PROBABLY DON’T LEARN.

IS IT’S TOO SERIOUS, THEY WOULD GET BORED.

IF IT’S TOO DIFFICULT THEN IT WILL ALWAYS BE DIFFICULT.

IF IT’S TOO EASY THEN IT WILL ALWAYS BE EASY.

SO HOW DOES IT REALLY WORK?!