I should be at HOME NOW! :'(

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum


Some people say that;

too much of a good thing is...emm...

well, whatever it is, I think that I am having the all too much of a good thing and I am ready to give it up but I can't and I feel sad and I'm old enough not to feel sad but I do and I just wanna go back to home and family and I think I have had enough but there's no turning back and life is full of choices and I chose this so I have to just brace the storm and I don't want to sound ungrateful so I will just have to get through this and I will and I know that later on I will look back and say that I am glad I did it because I know this feeling is temporary and that its just here now and will go away but I hate this feeling and its turning me into a crybaby and I don't wanna feel this way, this just sucks but I know I will make it through and that I have to make it through!



In Malay;

"Kesibukan kamu berdasarkan apa yg kamu agendakan".

I deserve this and whatever happens, I have to be grateful!


And remember! your Lord caused to be declared (publicly): "If ye are grateful, I will add more (favours) unto you; but if ye show ingratitude, truly My punishment is terrible indeed."

Ibrahim [14:7]


Congratulations to lil sis! I miss you and even though I don't cry at nights missing you but my heart aches more than you know, hehe, love you [and this goes for the rest of my beloved family] ^_^

As Long As I Perform!

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum


I have been swimming since I was small and it was compulsory back in the school days in England and I continued taking lessons in UiTM Shah Alam but I never actually train to be a professional. It was the knowledge and the practise that counts.

When my friend found out about the institute recruiting an all female swimming team comprising 5 girls who can and want to swim, my friend automatically put my name. I was shell shocked but excited at the thought that my friend thought of me as well as the thought that I will be in a swimming tournament exclusively for women!

I backed out a bit when I heard that few girls from the sports science course was going to join but Nani persuaded me and we even reckoned that even if we didn't join, we could still swim for free at that particular time.

and then 2 girls from the sports science course quit leaving Nani and I, TESL students, a math student but she's the best as she can do all the swimming styles fast! and 1 sports science student who's just as good.

So that leaves the 4 of us and we're just average because we have not yet met the target time and its frustrating as our coach is super nice and supportive and she has already stated that its not about winning but about exposure and that she believes in us!

But even until now, a shadow of doubt is above me as I don't really have that much faith in my own self in spite of me being optimistic! Yes, I am a +ve thinker but as I keep thinking of sacrifices, project paper, storytelling performance, stamina, endurance and speed...
I cannot stay 100% confident that I am going to make it!


So a hero comes along, a leader in my life, giving me facts of life, for me to listen well and stay focus:

This is what I have to do, ultimately what I need to foresee and motivate me...

The knowledge of KPI.


What is KPI?

A Key Performance Indicator (KPI) is a business metric used to evaluate factors that are crucial to the success of an organization.

Its similar with my case at present time as I am training intensively for swimming KAGUM which is a sports event amongst Teaching Institutes around the whole Malaysia and this year's will be at Johore on the 14th until 18th March -- this-is-my-break...*squeak*

Before KPIs can be identified, the following requirements must be met:

• A predefined organizational process.
• Clear objectives for the process.
• Quantitative and qualitative measurements.
• An active approach to finding and remedying variances.

So the thing is, I need to predefined:

I am specializing in breaststroke and the time to reach is 52 seconds. As of now, my best time is 1 minute 18 seconds [do not laugh!]

The objective:

52 seconds or at least just above a bit from 52 seconds, less than a minute.

Quantitative or Qualitative Measures:

[I am not good in maths!]
I have a week to practise so that would be 2 seconds less per day? Please count for me pretty please :p

An active approach to finding and remedying the situation:

Hardwork + Determination + Mind over Matter but most of all = DISCIPLINE!

KPIs are above all else, a set of indicators to measure data against, a sort-of success gauge. Ultimately, they help an organization assess progress toward declared goals.

GOAL:

To at least be better as the days go by and NOT getting worse! I can't afford to deteriorate!!




Motivation will almost always beat mere talent.
- Norman R. Augustine

Unless a man undertakes more than he possibly can do, he will never do all that he can.
- Henry Drummond

Quote of the Moment!

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum



Albaqa' lillah (Yang Kekal hanya bagi Allah)


How would you translate this?

I got this saying from a person who has great Arabic knowledge responding to a news that someone had died.

and I find that this is the best saying ever that you could say to someone who experience loss and I am cracking my head on the best way to translate this as of my love for the English language ;)


Don't you ever find yourself struggling for words when someone is going through a passing of someone or even something so dear?

I do and no matter what you say, it's never the same and the only thing you could actually do is be there~

and remind that person that everything comes from God and goes back to God.

That's LIFE.

and even when life pushes you to the brink, everything still comes from God and goes back to God.

even when you have that feeling of giving up, sob :'(

Nay seek (Allah's) help with patient perseverance and prayer: it is indeed hard, except to those who are humble.
Al-Baqara [2:45]

Tagging Time because Assignments are so Many!

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum


It is ironic that when your brain is so stuffed with assignments, you tend to escape by doing tags!

Apparently, that is what is happening!

But I don't mind as tagging have recently become positive, hehe :p

So here's one from Nani-jang-level 3-neighbour:

Name Initial Matters!

Rules:
It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag some people. Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real . . . nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. What is your name: Maddy [nickname]
2. A four Letter Word: Miss
3. A boy's Name: Mikhail
4. A girl's Name: Mawaddah
5. An occupation: Manager
6. A color: Magenta
7. Something you wear: Momoe
8. A food: Meat
9. Something found in the bathroom: Mirror
10. A place: Maldives
11. A reason for being late: My cat ate my homework :p
12. Something you shout: Moo Moo!
13. A movie title: My Sister's Keeper Coming Soon 2009
14. Something you drink: Milkshake
15. A musical group: Matchbox 20
16. An animal: Moose
17. A street name: Meeny Miny Mo
18. A type of car: Mazda
19. The title of a song: Me, Myself and I by Vitamin C

Sorry for only doing the 1st one coz I have done the 2nd one a looong time ago in my friendster blog and I'm not in the mood to think so pensively for the 3rd one, actually I already copy paste the whole lot and was just about to blabber making no sense but decided nah...got to much work, hehe so here it is and now I tag:

anyone who wants to have a go! this one tag is pretty cool, makes you scratched your head anyway!

1 Teacher for every 20 Students

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum

Published: Monday February 23, 2009 MYT 12:39:00 PM

One teacher for every 20 students.

KUALA LUMPUR: The Government is actively working to improve the education delivery system by having one teacher for every 20 pupils, Public Service Director-General Tan Sri Ismail Adam said Monday.

He said this would require more teachers to be recruited and trained.

At present the ratio is one teacher to 40 pupils and there are some 360,000 teachers in the country, or about 36% of the entire civil service.

In an immediate response, the 150,000-strong National Union of Teaching Profession (NUTP) welcomed the move, saying the new ratio is “ideal and a dream of every teacher.”

NUTP secretary-general Loke Yim Pheng said, however, that it would require some time before the policy could be fully implemented due to the shortage of trained teachers.

Ismail advised unemployed graduates to apply for teacher training courses. -- Bernama

Ah, about time too!

I have always thought that the vast ratio of teachers and students in the current state is the MAIN problem why our education system is lagging behind and that there is always loopholes when you look at it and this would MOST especially apply to the rural counterparts in the teaching of the English language. I know other subjects have their issues but since I am specializing in the English language therefore it would be most suited for me to talk more on the issue.

Just imagine how tough it had been for me during my practicum whereby I had to teach 2 classes consisting of 40 students who had low proficiency in the English language! I know for those of you who never had any idea whatsoever would not be able to do so and that's okay because I will give you the scenario:

A school smacked in the middle of an oil plantation.
A single session school.
In every Form 1 until Form 5, there are 5 classes.
Every class in the Form 1 until Form 3, there are 40 students in the class.
For the Form 4 and the Form 5, there are around 30+ students, but mostly below 40.
Majority of the students are VERY weak in the English language.
With all due respect to the school, I am saddened that the students' English language proficiency is really bad BUT improving!


scary huh...

but apparently that's the reality and if you're not future teachers then you are future parents so be concern!


Another issue that has crop up based on this news is that MORE teachers will be recruited and that means, both undergraduate and postgraduate students and perhaps more male teachers?!

This should be good news right but the thing is, most Malaysians are not aware that:

Malaysia is the only country who pays for future teachers!

How sad!

In other countries, people scrambled to want to apply to become teachers and paycheck is secondary as most of them has noble intentions and I checked that in some parts of the world, professors are even teaching kindergarten but that's not happening in Malaysia. WHY? because of our perceptions! Not only when you enter the teaching field are you looked down upon but it matters whether you teach preschool, primary school or even high school! It's pretty sad.

Another issue [again!] is that I fear that these new enrollment of teachers would focus too much on QUANTITY rather than QUALITY and that's such a frustration to see that these fresh teacher graduates lack passion and discipline and this also applies to me as some days in practicum, I do admit I have that feeling of giving up.


On a positive note, perhaps this news would be a wake-up call to some to finally change your mindset!

CHANGE YOUR PARADIGM!

because by doing so, it might change the future!

your students are your future~

Panic Crouch Down in Paintball

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum


It all started with an influence, of a person somewhere far from me, not speaking to me but still, I think of that person all the time especially that it was me [inspired by that particular person] who organized this wonderfully magnificent event!

I had booked the event days ahead and even though assignments are piling up it didn't stop any of us from excitedly talking about what was to come. Everyone who signed up to join was eager to participate in the event and was even nervous when I gave them a mini briefing beforehand as they readily accept and anticipated of what was to come. What haunt everyone including me was the management's saying that;

"Bruises are common! and bleeding can happen!"

Although the boys woke up late on Saturday, 21st but we girls were all geared up to go by 8.30am for a hearty breakfast. We showed up at as promised at Cinta Sayang Resort, Sungai Petani at 9am sharp and was prepared for the briefing on the A to Z guide to playing PAINTBALL, regarding the equipments namely face mask, chest protector and marker, all the rules and regulations and the do's and don'ts of the game. What was most remembered was that Paintball is a safe game if everyone adhere to the safety rules of the game and would be dangerous if otherwise (aren't all games like that?)

We played 'Capture the Flag' and there were 10 of us so we got ourselves into 2 groups consisting of 5 people namely the Black Team (yours truly) and the Green Team. In 'Capture the Flag', for instance, the Black Team has to seize the Green Team's flag and vice versa and whichever team snatch the other team's flag first and managed to bring back the flag back to the team's base camp then that certain team is the winner! At first, I was nervous yet excited to play more than ever and with team spirit, we got into the battlefield ready to rumble!

As the chief referee roared 3, 2, 1, GO! All of us scurried to find the best refuge made up of tyres, large casks and big boards and went to panic-crouch-down-mode which hurts! It hurt so much that it got to the point that some of us actually tucked our legs to sit properly, hehe and some of my friends even streched her legs as it was weary already, huhu :p


It was a one of a kind feeling being there having to panic-crouch-down-rapidly-breathing-anticipating the opponents' move and hesitating to shoot for fear of not able to hit the target!

And that was the BIGGEST frustration ever! The worst feeling of not being a sharp shooter! and always missing the target whenever I want to shoot hence wasting pellets! I get so upset at myself for everytime I see the rival's head and body surfacing from their hideout but not being able to shoot directly to where they are at in spite of having the opportunity to do so!

Another thing would be the fear of taking risks and going out there being all out just like a suicide bomber would do! In this case, the guys groaned at the girls' inability to be agressive and it was cool to watch the guys stand and shoot being die-hard but fear of being hit and losing overpowered most of the girls making us cowards. Additionally, I ran out of pellets twice in 5 games and I felt so helpless! The first time I ran out of pellets, I just sat comfortably behind a shelter and felt the winds passing me by, and it was pretty embaressing as I saw my teammates die one by one and one ran out of pellets too leaving only one fending off the base but unable to do so until she got hit as well. and then I had to guard the flag at the base and the funny thing was, my strategy was to hide in the inside of the base, and surprise the challenger if they ever managed to arrived at our base. and then, I just sat and sometimes crouched there, LOL! and when one of the opponent finally came, I surprised that person and yelped; HANDS UP! and that person was so stunned that I was there, he shot me!! and I instinctively put both my hands up in surrender, hahaha, it was soooo dorkily funny!!

That was the third game and the Black Team lost. But we won 3 out of 5 games and for the 1st game, it was yours truly who proves to be a militant-in-the-making who succeedly grabbed the Green Team's flag and scored the first victory, wuu huu!!

I got hit once and boy, did that HURT, like someone whacked me and the pain STINGS indescribably and makes me realize of the truth in the saying "Bruises are common". What was most significant throughout the game however, was that I got to reflect on how the people are at war especially since what had happened in Gaza. It was as if all my 5 senses were activated and my body tensed up to take action and the drive in me made me feel driven to shoot and topple the enemy! It was awesome playing with the good company of my friends and the thrill of the game and I can't ever imagined feeling the exact opposite of what it would feel like to be at war trying to cross the enemy lines and the vulnerability that you may get shot. Moreover, it was scorching hot and I had all the necessary equipments but in real war zones, those people are expose with no protection and when they get hit, it won't be by vegetable oil as they wouldn't even register what hit them as they could just die.

So I urge everyone to again, put things in perspective even when playing something so fun like Paintball! It felt good to be the first heroine to take hold of the other team's flag and win and afterwards faltered a bit but there should be something else and something more that I could have done and in reality, that should have been the case so InsyaAllah, I will do whatever it takes to have courage and fight! Allahu Akbar!

My friends and I gush on how much fun we had whilst comparing the 'souveniors' we attained in the form of bruises and switch tales of attack and defend.

and then there were the assignments...

So I totally recommend Paintball for the bravehearts!

Mafla Story

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum

People can be so funny sometimes.

I am currently selling Palestine MAFLA so for those of you who are interested then please contact me so that we can discuss. Nway, the thing is, the person who sold it to me has already mentioned that in the process of making the maflas', some money have already been donated to Palestine so basically, when any of you buy the mafla that I am selling at present, you will automatically be indirectly contributing to Palestine. On another note, I am also making a personal donation from my business of selling the mafla and that I pledge to bank in RM1 from every sale of the mafla to Aman Palestine and Mercy Malaysia. To clear matters, I do plan to top up more than the amount that I would get from the sale of the mafla, but that's my own private matter.

The thing is, someone has just said:
"RM1 je nak derma?"

Am I a datin in the first place? and why cant it be RM1? and what's the big deal? and lastly, what have you done?

But that's not nice, let anyone say anything at all...

"She is training militants as she is selling mafla now"
"The Palestine issues have died down already, no need to buy"
"Why is she all worked up on the Palestine issues, what have they ever done to us"
"She is too extreme"

I am just selling mafla for crying out loud and if I could, I'd go to Palestine myself and fight, why not? But these people, there are practically being quizzical and aggravating me as if I'm selling mafla could hurt them! Why are there even people like this in this world, in my world?!




Despite it all, I dont care and have turned immune to all the ridiculing I get because I look at these people and my heart goes out to them. They have no means to do what I am able to do and they look at the Palestinian issues with vacant hearts and souls, you can't just say you cried and sympathize BUT DO NOTHING!


Action speaks louder than words so why not I embrace this test and why not everyone out there especially the opposition to join me? You'll see that it wont hurt a bit!





In whatever business thou mayest be, and whatever portion thou mayest be reciting from the Qur'an― and whatever deed ye (mankind) may be doing― We are Witnesses thereof when ye are deeply engrossed therein. Nor is hidden from thy Lord (so much as) the weight of an atom on the earth or in heaven. And not the least and not the greatest of these things but are recorded in a clear Record.
Yunus [10:61]

Scoliodentosaurophobia or is it Batrachophobia?

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum

This is no feel-good story...

It was like as if I was possessed!

I felt it crawling and creeping in my skin...

I would never have taught anything of it

I grabbed it, perhaps even squeeze it and then shook it off

and I saw IT for what it was

and screamed

and shivered

and hugged my roommate tightly just to erase the memory

or was it that I slapped my roommate's back, huhu

and then I started to cry

and I cried

I swayed and choked and coughed and cried again

and everyone came

and by then, I was shaking uncontrollably

and they wanna put a stop to my hysterical moments

and I knew I just had to stop so I calmed myself

Stop it!

and went to bed with my heart thumping

and my lips upside down,

I felt so sad and scared

and foolish yet weird

There was no ghost

If you hadn't guess yet based on the title...

well, it was just a gecko managed to sneak onto my leg and somehow I think I really did squeezed it because when it went out, it was lifeless already, EEE!!!

I hate, I hate, I hate!!


So I need help...

Another Tag

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum


I actually have tons to blog about but sometimes, when I finally get the chance to actually put my thoughts into writing, its like as if all those views POOF! taken by the wind of who-knows-what or maybe I have so many things to do lately that I just want to escape by doing tags! so this one tag is from Naeemah, my tag+bloggy+friend, hehe [she would be proud] LOL

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
I guess not, huhu, and didja know that its hard to find the meaning of Madihah in many books!

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Before the ceasefire.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
At times especially when I'm using an extra fine tip pen.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAL?
I'm all for anything at all that is tasty and delectable, yummy

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
I wish! LOL

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes, haha, because she, that would be I, talks a lot and she, that would be me, can talk about anything so try her, that would be yours truly again

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
There's actually satisfaction when being cynicism in certain contexts that calls for it.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
I have tonsils?!

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
YES indeed! I am all for adrenaline-junkie types of extreme sports!

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL?
I remember I use to like all those sweet stuffs like Honey Star but now, I like Fitness Fruit, Muesli and Oats with fruits, hehe

11. DO YOU UNITE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
OCD people do more than unite their shoes, they make sure that any shoes are never apart!

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM?
I love La Cremeria but I think its Nestle so boycott!

13. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their smiles!

14. RED OR PINK?
Both mix together would be a nice attractive fusion.

15. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I hate it when I get very impatient!

16. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
My family <3

17. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
If you're bored like me then why not?

18. WHAT COLOUR OF PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Colourful, you imagine yourself :p

19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Thinking of You by Katy Perry

20. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE?
All the colours you want me to be :p

21. FAVOURITE SMELLS?
Vanilla ;)

22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Zahrah about business and $

23. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Give me a reason why I should like n3mah :p

24. FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Table tennis

25. HAIR COLOUR?
Redhead :p

26. EYE COLOUR?
Green :p

27. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
When I feel like a granny wearing spectacles :p

28. FAVOURITE FOOD?
Too many, the list would be endless :p

29. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings that leave me all fuzzy

30. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Slumdog Millionaire and I totally recommend everyone to watch this movie! Believe it when you see it that this movie deserve to win all those awards!

31. WHAT COLOUR OF SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
[This tag is getting long and winding] Blue

32. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Now I just want winter

33. HUGS OR KISSES?
Both, haha :p

34. FAVOURITE DESSERT?
I like everything!

35. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Matters closely related to the heart and if it just bugs me!

36. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
If I'm hurt, sob :'(

37.WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
Academic books you dont wanna know

38. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
A real mouse :p

39. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Its been a month that I have not watched TV

40. FAVOURITE SOUND(S)?
I love the sound of rain too and cello and deep soothing zikr


41. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
That'll be in how many months time, hehe (excited all over again!)

42. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Is OCD a talent? :p

43. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
My IC says 14.

44. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
If you're interesting then you would be doing this although its like reallyyy long, heck!

Finally over meh?

Busy Beaver Mode

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum


I have been sooo busy that I am weird.

Busy now is nothing to compared to being busy later when I'm working!

Busy that I have no time to take a nap is supposedly good!

Busy is focus!

Busy that I am always on the go makes me driven!

Busy but I still take time to read the going-on's of the world.

Busy but I am improving.

Busy though never leaves prayers.

Busy yet play ping-pong in spite of lagging behind in smash skills, sigh.

Busy is better than suffering.

Busy nonetheless grateful, Alhamdulillah

Nothing beats busy I guess

Life in the fast lane =3

"If we don't preoccupy ourselves with the BIG things hence we will become preoccupied with the little matters. If we don't use what we have for goodness therefore we might tend to use it for depravity".
(Abd Wahab Azzam)




"Always fill our lifes with beneficial activities and events that makes us closer to Allah swt and don't be stagnant as Death is always coming to look for us".

(Shu’bah bin al-Hajjaj al-Basriyy)